


Cold

by Dracavia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Implied Child Abuse, M/M, Pre-Order of the Phoenix, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-16
Updated: 2003-04-16
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dracavia/pseuds/Dracavia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you feel like life isn't worth living and you just want to give up, is there someone who can save you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted 16 April 2003 on fanficition.net. No additional edits or updates have been done since then, I'm just adding all of my old fic to AO3 in the interest of having everything I've written archived all in one place.

**Cold** by Dracavia

 **Rating:** PG-13 For references to child abuse

 **Summary:** When you feel like life isn't worth living and you just want to give up, is there someone who can save you?

 **Warning:** Slash (male-male relationship) this is your one and only warning, if you don't like it please hit the back button now.

 **Pairing:** DM/HP eventually

 **Disclaimer:** The characters from Harry Potter belong to the great J. K. Rowling. I just play with them once in a while.

 **Spoilers:** Since it's a ficlet, not many, mainly just a vague reference to book four.

 **Feedback:** Yes please! ;-) Constructive criticism is, as always, greatly appreciated. This is anything along the lines of "this line was OOC" or "You contradicted yourself here" or anything of a similar manner. I am constantly trying to improve my writing and reviews of this nature are just as welcome as any other kind words :)

 **A/N:** This is the work of a evil plot bunny that showed up one day in February, gave me the first two scenes or so and then ran away again until a few days ago. I'm not really sure where the actual idea for this story came from, but either way here it is. Oh and if there are any noticeable spelling or grammar mistakes, I apologise, my beta is away and I wanted to post this while I had the chance.

Draco silently wandered through the snow of the Hogwarts grounds, amazed at the brilliance of the afternoon light reflecting off the snow. 'It's all so pure, so, so, pure. Why can't my life be like this, why does it have to be so tainted with darkness?'

He continued on his lazy walk marveling at the scenery, unbothered by other students. Draco was glad he'd chosen to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas, only seven other students had stayed and none were Slytherins. He felt a sense of profound freedom, there were no piercing eyes watching him, no one to run scampering to his father to say he wasn't behaving as a proper Slytherin and the son of a high-ranking Death Eater should. Yes he felt free, but he also felt alone, so lonely.

Draco bitterly reflected on why he'd stayed at school for break, where he'd feel so alone. 'It's not like I wouldn't face the same feelings at home, where I'd be in my room all the time, where I wouldn't have this freedom, and where I'd have to face Lucius…' Yes if he had gone home he'd have had to face Lucius, Lucius and his damnedable cane. If he went home he'd receive more than just gifts, yes the cane would be there, marking him in patches of black-and-blue and parallel lines of vivid red.

Suddenly he felt cold, a terrible, terrible cold that reached to the depths of his soul, even here he couldn't escape Lucius, the memories haunting him. He couldn't take it anymore, locking away the hurt inside for years. He was seventeen damn it! He shouldn't still be suffering the punishments he'd been dealt when he was younger, why couldn't he stop them? Why must he stay away in fear? Frustration, revulsion, grief, hatred, and terror racked his body sending tremors from head to toe. He went weak and fell to the ground, crumpling in a ball, surrounded by the cold snow.

The beautiful and pure snow settling about him, enveloping him like a blanket. He couldn't rise, wouldn't rise, things were better here in the snow. He let the cold drift through him, he welcomed this numbing cold and began to feel sleepy. Yes sleep, here in his safe blanket of snow, that was what he wanted…

A pair of green eyes watched from the window of a high tower, following a distant figure walking solitarily through the snow. Unsure why, Harry felt a deep sadness watching the lonely looking figure. 'No one should have to be alone on Christmas.' _But you're alone too, so why shouldn't he be?_ asked another voice.

Harry sighed, yes he was alone for Christmas this year, both of his best friends had gone to the Grangers' for Christmas. All the while here he stayed, giving the happy couple a few weeks of privacy, even from him, for there was little they could find here and he wouldn't begrudge them a chance to be together, just the two of them.

His attention returned to the pale figure he'd been watching, an urge he didn't understand forcing him to keep his eyes upon the figure, it had stopped it's trek through the snow and was standing still. Suddenly the figure collapsed in the snow… and didn't get up. Harry watched intently for a few moments longer, waiting for the figure to get up and continue on its walk, but it still hadn't risen. Why wasn't he getting up?

Dread shot through Harry, he couldn't just stand here, he had to do something! Grabbing his winter cloak he ran through the tower, racing through the castle, how far out on the grounds did he need to go? He didn't know, but he knew he wouldn't stop till he reached the fallen figure.

He ran as fast as he could, slowed by cold, deep drifts of snow, 'Please let me get there in time!' Minutes passed and felt like hours, how long had it been since the figure had fallen? Fifteen minutes? Twenty? It couldn't be much farther now.

There! He could see his destination not far off. As he reached the boy crumpled in the snow he took in how the normally pale skin was deathly white and his lips were icy blue.

He grabbed the boy's shoulders, "Malfoy, wake-up! Can you hear me? We've got to get you inside!"

He got no response from the deathly pale figure. Quickly he checked for a pulse, it was so faint! And his robes… they were soaked through from the snow, Harry had to get him somewhere warm, and fast!

Gently he lifted the slender form in his arms, holding the other boy close to his body, and began hurrying towards the warmth and safety of the castle as fast as he could. Where to take him? He couldn't go to the Hospital Wing, he knew Madam Pomfrey wouldn't be there, the mediwitch was spending the day with her family, and most of the other staff members were with theirs as well. His mind made up, intently he made his way back to the tower, to his own private, prefect's room.

Carefully he laid the frozen form on top of his bed, "These robes are soaked they're only making it worse…" Hurriedly he began removing the wet garments, piling them on the floor, until all that remained was the blonde's mostly dry pair of boxers. Harry slipped the icy form under the blankets, and pulled them up, tucking them in tightly, trying to warm the chilled boy. "Malfoy, come on, you need to wake-up… Oh God, don't let him die, not on Christmas," he pleaded.

Harry ran a hand over the frozen skin, 'Lord he's not warming up! He's too chilled through, what am I going to do?!' Franticly Harry searched his mind, what was that warming charm they'd learned in fifth year? Damn, why couldn't he remember it? Suddenly he remembered something he'd learned when he had taken that muggle first-aide course the previous summer. Quickly he began removing his own damp robes until he was only in his boxers and climbed into the bed with the pale, frozen form, praying his own body heat would be enough to warm the other.

Harry drew Draco tightly to him, wrapping his own body around Draco's frozen one and pulling the blankets snugly about them. "Come on Malfoy, please let this work, oh please… Malfoy… please, please…" he kept repeating. Gradually he thought he felt Draco begin to warm almost imperceptibly, "Malfoy, please be ok… God, let him be ok… Draco…" He continued murmuring the boy's name tunelessly. He had to be warming, Harry was sure Draco wasn't quite so cold anymore.

Harry was certain he felt a slight movement in the slender body he was wrapped around. Gradually the pale figure began to shiver fiercely, Harry's heart leapt with joy, that meant Draco had warmed enough that his own body could begin to help warm himself again. Soothing the shivering boy Harry continued to hold him close, now whispering a wordless tune. The sound seemed to comfort the shivering boy as slowly his trembling ceased.

Draco began to wake from his cold induced sleep, and confusion set in as he realised he wasn't in the snow anymore. In fact it felt like he was in bed with someone! Surprise shot through him and he tried to turn over to see who it was that was curled up against his back. As he turned, the arms around him loosened allowing him to move, opening his eyes Draco's looked into a pair of rich emeralds… it couldn't be, but it was…

"Potter!" Draco became further mystified, "How… how did I get here? The last thing I remember I was walking outside and…"

Harry raised a hand towards Draco's face and gently laid a finger against his lips, "Shhh, you're still half frozen, save your strength… I found you in the snow and brought you inside to warm up."

Against Harry's admonitions Draco spoke again, he didn't understand why he would be here, with Potter no less. "But… but why am I _here_ , with you?"

"You're here because you needed to be someplace dry and warm, and I couldn't take you to your room so this had to do. When I found you, you were too cold to warm yourself and since the blankets weren't enough to warm you, I had to do something else to warm you up… so I got in with you. Now rest Draco, you got a pretty bad chill and if we're not careful I'm sure you'll end up with pneumonia or some such thing… If my presence here is bothering you I'll leave, I can even go down to the common room…" Harry moved to get out of the bed.

A feeling Draco didn't understand shot through him, all he knew was that he didn't want Potter to leave, that he didn't want _Harry_ to leave. The loss of those soothing arms from around him would be unbearable. "No! No, don't go… stay here with me… please," he added the last part hesitantly, the word unfamiliar on his lips.

Harry gave him a small tender smile and replaced his arms around the pleading boy, "If you want me to stay, I'll stay, don't worry." Harry gently smoothed the pale blonde locks of hair out of Draco's face where they'd fallen, "Now I think you should try to sleep, you need to get your strength back and you're still so cold…"

Draco nodded, and closing his eyes he curled up against Harry's warm body, grateful for the strong arms tightening around him… for their comforting presence. Here he wasn't plagued by his dark, sad memories, here he was… safe. Safe in the arms of someone who had been his enemy, but who he was sure he could never hate again… to be here just felt so _right_.

Together they fell asleep, one comforted and the other contented by the act of comforting.

Draco slowly opened his eyes, expecting to feel Harry beside him… but there was no one there. Franticly he rolled over, his first impression had been right, Harry was gone. But where would he go, surely he couldn't be far away, this was his room after all.

Draco pulled the soft blanket from the bed and wrapped it about himself to stay warm, he was still feeling chilled and was sure he'd caught a cold. Blanket trailing behind him, Draco slipped quietly out of the small room and down the stairs towards the sound of someone tending a fire. Reaching the bottom of the stairs he took in the burgundy furnishings filling the large room and realised he must have come to the Gryffindor common room. Walking quietly around a couch near the fireplace he found Harry dressed in a jumper and jeans, bent on one knee in front of the fire, tending the logs.

"Potter?"

The raven haired youth was startled and quickly turned his head to see who had spoken, "Oh, it's only you Malfoy… What are you doing down here?" he turned back and added another log to the fireplace, using the fire poker to help increase the flames.

"I woke up and you were gone, I came looking for you."

"Mmm… I came down here to start a fire, I thought when you woke up you might want to warm up a little more beside one, and it would help dry out your wet clothes."

Draco looked where Harry had gestured to and saw his clothes hanging over a movable towel rack, sitting to the side of the fire. "Thank you," the words came out before Draco realised what he'd said, surprising himself as well as the boy before him.

Harry studied the blonde boy wrapped in his blanket, standing before him, carefully before replying, "You're welcome, it was nothing. It's not like I had anything else to do, and I couldn't very well let you freeze to death on Christmas day."

Draco diligently considered Harry as he spoke, the words were spoken with kindness, but Draco was sure he detected an undertone of bitterness when Harry mentioned his lack of anything else to do. "Still, you didn't have to, I mean it's not like I've been the kindest person in the world to you since we've met."

Harry looked into the fire before him, refusing to meet Draco's gaze as he spoke, "Perhaps a part of me hoped that by me helping you, we could set aside out differences…" he finally turned to meet the searching grey eyes, "even if it was only for a while. It's Christmas, no one should be alone today, and yet both of us are."

"Not anymore," the blonde whispered quietly.

Harry understood the brief statement for what it was, an agreement to at least try to get along, for a while anyway. Both felt drawn to the other, perhaps it was their shared loneliness on this day when one is supposed to be surrounded by loved ones, or maybe it was something else, but whatever it was, each knew he'd rather spend what remained of the day together than alone.

Draco was suddenly wracked with a fit of sneezing, his whole thin frame shaking with the effort. When he finally stopped his head was spinning and he saw spots before his eyes. As a gentle grip helped lead him to the couch, Draco realised Harry had come to his side during the sneezing fit and was helping support him. Draco lay upon the comfortable piece of furniture and closed his eyes, muttering out a quiet thanks. He felt a tender hand touch his forehead and face.

"Geez Malfoy, you're burning up, guess we didn't quite get you warmed up fast enough."

"I'll be ok, I think just need to rest for a while."

"Couldn't hurt… We missed lunch and it's almost dinner time now, are you hungry?"

"Maybe a little bit, but I don't feel like going to the Great Hall just now, I'd rather stay here by this fire."

"Do you think you'll be ok if I leave for a little while? I'll bring something back for you."

"MmHm, go ahead, I wouldn't want to make you miss another meal, I'll be fine."

Harry sounded uncertain when he spoke, "If you're sure… I promise I won't be gone for too long."

"Go on Potter, before you miss this meal as well," Draco tried to instill some harshness in his tone to urge the other boy to leave, but he was just too tired and the words came out exhausted.

Harry stirred up the fire a little more before he moved towards the exit, "I'll be back soon."

Draco watched him leave and sighed, he didn't really want the other boy to leave, but he felt he couldn't inconvenience this person who had been so kind to him, without reason, any further than necessary, even if it was Potter. With no one there to talk to, Draco allowed exhaustion to reclaim him as he lay wrapped in the soft blanket and the heat from the fire lulled him peacefully to sleep.

"Draco… wake up Draco… come on, you need to eat something, wake up." Draco heard a soft voice speaking beside him and a gentle hand lightly shaking his shoulder.

Opening his eyes slowly Draco looked into a pair of worried emerald eyes, "Hmm… Potter? I'm awake… you're back already? That wasn't long."

"I've been gone for an hour, you fell asleep."

"Oh… Did you just call me Draco?"

"… um, yeah I guess I did. Do you not want me to?"

"No, it's fine."

"I brought you some soup, here, let me help you sit up so you can eat it."

With Harry's help the ill boy sat up, leaning against the arm and back of the couch. Harry brought over a tray with a bowl of warm, creamy soup and a spoon, and placed it upon Draco's lap. Draco untangled an arm from the soft blanket and picked up the spoon, but his hand was trembling and the soup wouldn't stay on the spoon.

Harry sat down on the couch beside Draco, facing him, and gently removed the spoon from his hand. "Here, let me help you, otherwise you'll never get anything to eat," the words were spoken with kindness and Draco was amazed by the further effort of this person who was supposed to hate him.

Draco nodded his head slightly in acknowledgement, unsure of any other reply. Silently the pair sat as the time ticked by, Harry spooning soup for the ill boy before him. As Draco swallowed the last spoonful of soup, Harry set the tray to the side, "There, feel any better?"

"Yes, thanks…" Draco pulled the blanket close around him and looked into the emerald green eyes, trying to understand what was happening between them. "Harry… why are you being so kind to me? Bringing me in out of the cold, helping me warm up, that I can understand, you're too kind a person to let even someone like me freeze… but this… I just don't get it."

Harry turned his face to stare at the fire, "I don't know Draco, honestly, I really don't know. Maybe it's a part of me that hates to see anyone suffer, or maybe it's something else," he turned to look into the silver eyes that were trained upon him. "Maybe it's that there's a part of me that says you understand, that you know what it feels like to be entirely lonely even when you're surrounded by people, and that none of them understand you… Do you Draco, do you understand what that's like?"

Draco nodded, "Yes, I do… but what about Granger and Weasley, I thought you all were inseparable, the famous Gryffindor trio, and yet here you are at Hogwarts for Christmas, and where are they?"

Harry again looked away, not ready to meet the steady gaze upon him, "Ron and Hermione have each other, they're together for the holiday… and while they might be my best friends, the closest thing I have to a family, that can't understand, they haven't seen the things I have."

Draco closed his eyes in concentration, "Yes, I suppose that's very true… they're not like you, like either of us."

Harry's eyes turned back towards the other boy, bitterness in his voice when he spoke this time, the soft tone of before forgotten, "But what makes you so different Malfoy? What have you seen that's so horrible? Have you seen innocent people die simply because they were with you, in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

Draco gave him a sardonic smile, "You undressed me Harry, didn't you notice?"

The raven haired boy gave him a puzzled look, "I was too busy trying to get you warm to notice much, what is it I should have seen?"

Draco slowly sat forward, letting the blanket slip from his shoulders to settle at his waist, exposing his back for Harry to see. Harry gasped at the sight, the pale flesh was marred by parallel white lines crisscrossing all over it, they were scars, some old, some obviously gained only a few months before.

"What… what happened?"

Draco's voice took on its familiar drawl, though weaker than usual, "Come now Potter, surely you can venture a guess. Evenly spaced, parallel lines, what could possibly create such marks? I'm sure you've seen such a thing before." He pulled the blanket back up around his shoulders, tucking it in tightly around himself.

Harry's brow furrowed in concentration, trying to imagine what Draco could possibly be referring to… 'Something very sharp, but two points… but what have I seen like that? The only thing I can think of is… No! But that would mean… To his own son? He would do such a thing to his only child?'

Draco saw the look of dawning comprehension, horror and disbelief appear upon Harry's face, "Figured it out, have you? Yes, who would believe the great Lucius Malfoy would do such a thing to his only heir? Well you saw the proof with your own eyes, what further convincing could you possibly need?" Draco laughed bitterly, "And those are only the few he has left to heal naturally, to remind me what fait awaits if I don't follow his orders exactly, live up to his unreasonable expectations."

"I'm so sorry Draco, I never realised…"

"I don't want your pity Harry, I don't need anyone's pity."

"Fine Draco, than what is it you do need, how about my compassion? Will you accept that?"

"What I need is not something you would ever be willing to give me," came the bitter reply.

"And what is that? I might just surprise you."

"No one has ever given me what it is I need, what I've been lacking all my life, so why would anyone ever start now?"

"And what is it Draco? What is it you've been deprived of for so long?" Harry's questions were pressing, were urgent, he truly wanted to know… perchance there even was a part of him that already knew, and was only waiting for the words to be spoken aloud.

"You really want to know?" Harry nodded his head in reply, "Fine, love, that's what I need, to feel wanted, not used, not like someone's pawn, but actually loved and wanted for who I am. No expectations, no conditions, simply accepted without any strings attached." Draco watched the other boy's face carefully, trying to gauge his reaction, but was unable to do so. "So Harry, now that you know what it is that I need, how willing are you to give it? Hmm? Could the great Harry Potter ever demean himself so much as to show Draco Malfoy such a feeling?"

Harry sat there silently, staring into the silver eyes, reading the sincerity that poured forth, confirming that what Draco said was true, that he wasn't just trying to unsettle him with a request he thought the Gryffindor unable to comply with. Could it really be true that this boy, whom he thought himself so different from, could actually have the same desire he did? The desire for someone who could just accept him for who he was and not who others wanted him to be?

"Potter… Harry? Do you have anything to say to that, or are you just going to stare at me for the rest of the evening?"

The emerald eyes seemed to darken, emotion smoldering in their depths, Draco sharply drew in a breath, disbelieving what he saw staring back at him. He closed his eyes, no longer able to hold the penetrating gaze focused upon him. He felt the couch shift beneath him, surely Harry was getting up, leaving, disgusted with what Draco had asked for. Suddenly he felt soft lips meeting his own, a gentle kiss placed upon his lips, and a body shifted closer to his own. He opened his eyes to look into the questioning eyes trained upon him, Harry's face only a breath away from his own.

"Is this what you wanted Draco? If it is, than it's yours to have."

Shock and disbelief settled upon fair features, Draco's words came in a whisper, "Is this some kind of cruel joke? You aren't taunting me are you? Offering me what I've asked for only to take it away?"

Harry's head shook almost imperceptibly, "No, I would never do that."

The sincerity in Harry's soft voice drove straight into Draco's heart, he was being offered the one thing he'd always been denied, and from the last person he ever expected to receive it from. Afraid he was still asleep, still in some blissful dream, he leaned forward, meeting those soft lips once more, reassuring himself that Harry was actually there. A pale hand escaped from the blanket, tangling in messy raven hair, drawing them closer. Strong arms were wrapped around his waist.

How long the embrace lasted neither was sure, it could have been a few seconds, minutes, or a lifetime for all they knew or cared, all they knew for certain was that in that moment something changed. Whatever force that had been drawing them together was finally satisfied and suddenly each felt more complete, as though he had found a part of himself long missing.

As they broke from the kiss, arms now around each other, heads leaned on each other's shoulder, they sat together, soaking up the warmth and new feeling.

"Are you sure Harry?" Draco finally whispered to the boy in his arms, "You won't change your mind?"

"I'm sure," came the soft and confident reply. "I've finally found the person who truly understands what I feel, and feels the same way. How could I ever give that up, even if it is someone I never expected?"

A small sigh of contentment escaped Draco as he leaned further into Harry's strong arms. "Harry, is it alright if I stay here tonight?"

"There are no other Gryffindors here over break, I see no reason why not… I don't think you're really well enough to spend the night alone in those damp dungeons yet anyway."

"Will you stay down here with me, by this fire?"

"If you want me to."

"Thank you," was his soft reply.

The two shifted their positions, both now stretched out upon the couch, Draco still wrapped in the warm blanket, now laying against Harry's chest, Harry's arms holding him tightly. They settled in peacefully to sleep, both tired, but both finally content in a way they had never felt before, marveling in the amazing feeling one finds when they've finally found the love and acceptance they've longed for all their life.

**_~finis~_ **


End file.
